Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

SIDENOTE:
Ok, first things first for all my guys out there. Never, ever, EVER, write a girl something longer than a page. This will never turn out well for you. I made the mistake (when i was 16 years old!) of writing Jennifer my repressed feelings for her in a journal. Yeah, that's pretty bad and for arguments sake we will mark her rejection postjournal giving as a timestamp in history when I was turned into an asshole (wow, deep). Also, let's also recall Ravi writing my sister a 6 page letter about his feelings. Yeah, we constantly use that against him. So, the moral of the story is, never write girls letters/journals!

From this blog circa August 18th, 2008

Oh John...so smart!

1300 words of goodness

So, yeah, I haven't written a blog in ages. I've started a 1 or 2 each month since I last posted and I always feel like by the 66.6% mark that I just feel as if what I am writing no longer becomes interesting nor worthwhile as much as it is emo. What a great time to live in. 1950's: write about how shitty things are = Sylvia Plath (but then again, who wants to be read by a bunch of self-appointed sophisticated teenage girls?) 2000's: write about feelings = "Hi, I enjoy Fall Out Boy and Taking Back Sunday" (Gay).

Well, I guess I should do some general housekeeping since everyone is keeping score at home. What has happened since my last post? My roommates who I claimed to be gay incarnates of my friends back home have grown on me. I guess they are no longer gay in my eyes, thus making them not like my friends at home...bah dum che (that was a rim shot for all you short-bussers). A few things about my roommates however. Mike (Phil) is a huge pushover who bottles up his emotions (on second thought...) Mike (Mig), has been influenced by me a bit this year I guess. He now has an affinity for raw denims and japanese stealth beast wear and is constantly siphoning off my music collection. Mike (Mig) has a girlfriend now (I am so proud! It's his first one) who is kind of weird and punks him a lot (Liz). Wow, low blow man...low blow. Long (Emo Phil), who I hung out with a lot Fall quarter is pretty distant this quarter and sleeps all day (Tom). I am assuming he is having some waves of depression due to the death of his grandmother and his lack of a new Incubus album. Long has a girlfriend who is crazy and super attached to Long and never leaves our dorm (Denise) and she has a friend who looks like she's 12 and won't stop giving me flyers for club events (Sam). Ok, I totally made that last part up, Long's girlfriend's friend looks like she’s 13. I'm pretty sure Long hasn't gotten any action in a while (Drew). WOW! this is too fun. Uh, my other friend is tall and looks like Kobe Bryant (Gianni). Iris the Virus' (or viri??) status came up as "Single" on facebook a few weeks ago which caused a wave of excitement which soon followed by disappointment after further investigation. The girl who I referred to as a large-breasted version of a former gf of mine is now for sure on the single block. But, after further contemplation, I would be completely satisfied if I only saw one boob due to her clingy annoyingness. Since I last posted, I also have a new coworker. So, the last 2 new hires have been young, Asian women. Ladies and Gentlemen, the new face of accounting. She's cute (Cute face, kinda chubby cheeks, small frame, B Cups [about enough for a handful], big butt, style is better than average) however, I fear there's something wrong with her. She's like the coworker at work that tries to be cool with all the other coworkers by making lame jokes and trying to start inside jokes. Forced humor is not funny. However, one thing I do like is weirdness. She enjoys watching movies in theaters by herself. That is something that is totally respectful and a good sign of self-confidence or she's just a loser. Uhm, oh yeah, I guess it would be unfair to leave this last part out, but I began dating someone back home. The status of said "dating" is up in the air however.

I kind of realized that it's not cool to bash people on the internets with this blog if you still talk to them. Personally, I'd like to apologize to Tritia [awww, how cute]. Somehow Mig will turn that last sentence into an awkward moment @ TGIF. However, I guess it’s still ok to bash people I don't talk to anymore. So sorry, to this person, you are still going to be the butt of some jokes.

Ok, so I guess my blog wouldn't be complete without a lesson about the opposite sex. So, here we go. I am positively sure that I have figured out a tactic that women employ to keep a leash on men. I may not be the first person to notice this but I will explain for all those who have not. Recently, I watched an episode of Family Guy entitled "Chick Cancer" where Stewie is having trouble picking up a girl who thinks that she is too sophisticated for him. Brian decides to help his friend Stewie and shows him where he can get "all he needs to know about women." This transitions into a scene in front of Quagmire's house where a naked woman runs out of his house disgusted by Quagmire. He then calls her a "whore" in which she responds positively to and proceeds to go back inside his house. Stewie's epiphany is obvious, if you treat a woman poorly she'll be nuts over you.

What does that have to do with a tactic or game women use on men? Well, this is what I have noticed and confirmed with a few other sources. Since women enjoy assholes (don't even lie to yourselves all you lurker women), a great way of keeping themselves satisfied is by purposely pissing off guys. Ok guys, have you ever just been content with the way things are going and your wench of a ladyfriend purposely does or says something to piss you off? YEAH, doesn't sound new to you. However, we men dismiss this as brauds being dumb or naive. This theme is quite common in our collective subconscious. Look at King of the Hill, Peggy thinks she smart but often times she gets into trouble that angers Hank and Hank ends up bailing her out of her problem which brings them closer together. Obviously, they aren't going to portray Peggy as some conniving skirt, but you get the idea. The premise of the tactic women employ is a multi-part equation. First, they enjoy being treated poorly (which one day I will figure out why). Second, they have self-esteem/confidence issues (probably my fault right? I mean, if I referenced you as this, I would feel bad about myself too). This lack of confidence causes women to fret about nothing and creates a fear in women that if their man is comfortable that he will soon leave. So, add this all up and you get 99.9% of relationship problems. So, I guess that would put the onus of relationship failures on women then right? Haha, ok, so I may have exaggerated the 99% number but c'mon, prove me wrong.

So the next question is, "how do you counter this?" I don't have a sure fire way of combating this tactic, but guys, if you have the balls, whatever you do, do not get mad. Just file it away as something you do not need in your life. Because that is totally true, who the hell needs made up problems to waste their time? Do I suggest the good ol’ DTB? I don’t know. A more head strong male such as Drew would suggest so. I, myself, a year ago would have to agree with Drew.

The Yoko Ono Effect

Wow, its been a while since I've posted something. Sorry sorry...so let's hit the ground running.

This topic has been something I thought up a while ago. I won't say who got me to think of this idea, but lets just say it happened some time last year. First off, some background info:

I've always had a tight knit group of friends. Well, like two tight knit groups. The two groups could mix, they were not mutually exclusive but the highest frequency of hangouts were usually separate. So, I have my class of '02 friends (+tommy) aka the RCPz (?) and I have my Artillery + drewfob friends. The issue arises in the latter (thats the Artillery + drewfob group for all you Chaffey goers). Our group was cohesive. We all knew eachother and we all saw eachother for the most part on the daily doing usually nothing but eating corkys, drinking starbucks..you know, real Seinfeld type shit. Although we did nothing most of the time but talk shit to mig about how gay he is, make fun of phil for being a pedophile, tom for being a slacker, drew for being a simp (although he has been liberated! welcome home brother), and me for being a dirtbag asshole (somehow, I feel like that's the short end of the stick). Gianni mostly doesnt get made fun of. He just laughs at everything and impersonates people. We also scheme on what girls we all want to do. 

Please don't hurt me Drewfob...

Anywho, so that is the way things are. Or were... 

Fuck man, things are not the same, and if you know me, I hate changes. Every time I'm home, the group doesn't get together to chill. And we all know why. There's a big freakin elephant in the room that we all know is there but we kind of shy away from talking about. FUCK-ING YOKO ONO.

So, what is or who is yoko ono? Well, for all you non-beatles fans, Yoko Ono, John Lennon's wife (or widow) is fairly or unfairly credited for breaking up the Beatles.  So, in current times, this would be that bitch (most likely filipino) who goes out with one of the homies and kinda is always fuckin there.  Next thing you know, whatever drama that the couple (John and Yoko) is having spills into the group, essentially drawing lines in the sand. This is exactly what happened to our group man...WTF! 

Ok, I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed some records from the John and Yoko era (Imagine, the Ballad of John and Yoko) but damn, with the entrance of Yoko, no more Beatles. And the same goes for Artillery + drewfob. 

There really is no need for me to call out this 'Yoko' because what is done is done. There's also no reason for me to describe the situation and why shit is like this. Whatever, c'est la vie...

boobs and a slut

One thing I have noticed about UCLA is the amount of boobs there are here. I feel that boobs are not getting enough love now a days with the onset of bitches with mad booty (Kim Kardashian, Vida Guerra, and Shawn Johnson) <---damn, that's kinda wrong...

But anywho, I just cant but help to notice all the boobies here. I'm going to have to trade in my asspass for some boobies because breasts are just underrated now a days. So, what's so great about boobs? Let me outline some great things:

THE SIDEBOOB:

Honestly, this is the hottest thing about boobs. Move over cleavage...this is where the money is at!

MMMM! 

Natalie Portman for all you nerds

Natalie Portman for all you nerds

Ya'll feel me or what??? Another great thing about boobs...

NO BRAS!:

This stems from the American Apparel style craze. Most college girls aim to look like they literally just stepped out of an american apparel ad or something. Jesus Deep V+No Bra = MONEY!

In conjuction with the No Bra thing, we have the... 

HIPPIE BOOB PHENOMENA:

This is more of an acquired taste. 

Well, enough about boobs. Here's a lil vagina update for y'all. Remember my story about tall tritia? Well, her name is Iris and my roommie Mike, aka phil 2.0 told me that in High School her nickname was "IRIS THE VIRUS." I mean, there are some pretty bad nicknames, but this could not have been worse news for me. Sigh...oh well, this is why my friends you do not put all your biscuits in one basket.

Filipino Chicks Ruined My Life

Ok, so I haven't really been writing in my blog. I am sorry...I know I am neglecting all 14 of you who read this thing. Haha..uhmmm...I guess I have a lot of stories to tell about my time so far @ UCLA:

-I have a job now at the Law School of UCLA in the Accounting Dept. Pretty unexciting...but it could be promising. I am in love (pfff..really?) with a girl at my work. It's kind of awkward because I am the subordinate in this situation. Hopefully this pans out to being worthy of the Office. 

-After getting a job at the Law School, I decided to go to Bev Center to pick up some office worthy clothes with my roommate Mike aka Phil 2. And we just happen to run into a Ice Cube + WC concert...wow..I havent had this much west coast pride since I thought I was a cholo in middle school. To top it off, WC did his famous sideways off the stage C-Walk..if you don't know what im talking about then GTFO!

-I've been drinking a lot lately. And I've been meeting girls at an exponential rate and my fun level is reaching a pretty decent high. Oh..shit..almost forgot...This story is pretty awesome IMO: 

So, months ago when Drew and I would eat every Wednesday together (tear) we'd go to Kathy's  (his crazy cousin who dances all the goddamn time) pad and just make fun of her and just browse her facebook. And of course, if you've ever seen Drewfob beast over women this guy lusts pretty crazy. After 10 minutes of going through her friends and saying which ones we wanted to bone I stumbled upon this one chicks profile. Me being the idiot I am was like, "OMG, its like a taller version of tritia!!" But, after Drew's inspection he came to conclusion of "what the fuck you smoking?" So, this girl doesn't really look like tritia afterall but I still enjoy the nickname. Fast Forward to last night and guess what? TALL TRITIA GOES TO UCLA! What are the fuckin odds of that right? hahaha. Ok, so I bet everyone (all 14 of you) are wondering what Tall Tritia looks like. Well here ya go:

She's on the one right next to the guy who looks 80% like toomgam just trying 50% less hard. J/k toomgam, this guy is totally trying just as hard. 

I know, shes bombsies! But, yeah, this picture was taken after the UCLA rally/bonfire. After the rally we went back to my room and drank a bit. I showed her my shirt and then proceeded to ruin my chances with her. HAHAHA

But yeah, in conclusion...I heart UCLA and I need another dosing of filipino chicks ruining my life!

UCLA

Welp, life's pretty good out here in Westwood. Its been a while since I've written anything so lemme fill you guys in on what's happened so far...

So, the vegan bet is over. Thank god!! So, how did I reenter the world of meat? With Morton's Steakhouse. Shit, was freakin bangin! Yeah, so eating meat is great again. Uhm, I lost 35 lbs in the process though. So, all you self-conscious ladies who have been doing it the wrong way (bulimia, starving yourself, laxatives) going vegan is the way! The sad part is, I am sure I'm going to gain all the weight back here at school. The great thing about dorming is the amount of food. Basically, whenever I am hungry I just stroll down to the dining hall and eat at a buffet. My roommates are pretty chill. Here they are:

This is Mike (aka Phil 2)

This is Long (aka...Andy Mao?)

They are both real cool people and we have a great time making fun of eachother. They are also cool with being pseudo gay with each other so its just like home! This is what my room looks like:

Pretty fuckin small I guess, but I like to call it cozy. 

First week of school activities means free stuff and frat rush week. My suitemate Will (damn, I really wish I coulda taken a picture of him [no homo] because he could be UCLA drewfob) wanted to go to this frat party thing. So, basically, I go meet up with these frat guys to show us around the "frat life" and they are basically a bunch of aZn thugz. Like, fo real. So, I'm already nervous about this because I don't like being around too many asians so this was just awkward for me. But hey, rush week = free food + drink. Yeah, I really wasn't feeling this whole fraternity stuff because this is how it goes:

Frat guy: Hey, what's your name? What's your major?... Cool Cool. Well, I joined this frat because I really wanted to have a social life and these guys right here, they are like my brothers. We look out for each other. Is that something you are interested in?

Yeah, shit gets annoying. It really just isn't my thang. I must admit, lots and lots of girlies go to frat parties. That was a plus. However, most of the girls at these asian frat parties are pretty B grade. My suitemate revealing that he had nipple piercings was definitely a negative. I really hope he doesn't find this blog because he can literally destroy me. 

So, yeah, I'm enjoying my time here so far and if anyone is ever out in Westwood, give me a holla and I'll get you something to eat.

NAAAAAAHHH

Fast forward to 2:50 of this clip. This is kinda how i feel about my last post.